nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
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Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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