You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
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You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
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there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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