That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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