Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize