Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
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I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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