Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
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are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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