All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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