1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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