Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
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We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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