I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I forget how to act sober
Randomize