Texts From Last Night

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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants

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  (403): and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants http://tfl.nu/tpip
  Replies (32) Good night (4203) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am

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  (604): The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am http://tfl.nu/p2ec
  Replies (12) Good night (5900) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well

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  (207): I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well http://tfl.nu/bwmv
  Replies (42) Good night (898) Bad night (6291) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.

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  (617): i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar. http://tfl.nu/1t99
  Replies (7) Good night (2750) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
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  (863): View more from Florida

  Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.

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  (863): Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all. http://tfl.nu/glyl
  Replies (27) Good night (4753) Bad night (1623) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs

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  (414): Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs http://tfl.nu/zuhx
  Replies (6) Good night (2434) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.

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  (330): She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo. http://tfl.nu/dqo9
  Replies (20) Good night (3326) Bad night (1252) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"

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  (732): The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out" http://tfl.nu/fcdr
  Replies (5) Good night (974) Bad night (1882)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.

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  (905): We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila. http://tfl.nu/k7ds
  Replies (4) Good night (1912) Bad night (697)
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  (424): View more from California

  you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes

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  (424): you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes http://tfl.nu/ok45
  Replies (5) Good night (2711) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Its gonna be a symphony of fucks

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  (870): Its gonna be a symphony of fucks http://tfl.nu/8ess
  Replies (7) Good night (1565) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas

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  (901): Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas http://tfl.nu/y10v
  Replies (3) Good night (1480) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.

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  (316): I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device. http://tfl.nu/lmjt
  Replies (4) Good night (1454) Bad night (407) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.

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  (810): I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me. http://tfl.nu/noof
  Replies (10) Good night (501) Bad night (1498) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"

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  (814): Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!" http://tfl.nu/rgls
  Replies (7) Good night (212) Bad night (282) Order T-Shirt

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