Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize