The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize