The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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