so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize