I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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