apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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