man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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