It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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