that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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