hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize