dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
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Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
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want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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