This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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