I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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