I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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