Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
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ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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