I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize