ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize