she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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