Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
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And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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