Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize