It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I smell stomach acid.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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