He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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