Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish my penis had an off switch
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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