Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Operation Purity has been aborted
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Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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