you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize