dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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