oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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