I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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