I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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