My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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