no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
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I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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