I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize