watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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