We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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