Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
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Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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