I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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