dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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