I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The Olympian is in my bed
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