i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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